What is growing up?

Growing up is no longer believing
In quick-rich/quick-fix schemes.
In that one thing that will change your life forever.
In happy ever afters.

That there is a secret to a happy/successful life.
That one size fits all.
That hard work and good intentions are all you need.
That in the end, everything works out.

It is not trusting your twelve-year-old when she tells you Mr Beast is legit.
It is to know life is tedious, unpredictable, and complicated, forever becoming more convoluted.
It is to realize you are not who you were yesterday. You worry about making promises for tomorrow, as you are unsure if your future self will keep them.

That despite support, your problems are yours alone.
But also, that you cannot survive without the support of your loved ones.
It is to know love, in every form, is pain.
Yet each time, after the gut-wrenching pain, you cannot help but choose love over indifference.

It is to realize that more often than external circumstances, the source of your agony is your mind.
It is discovering the demons in your closet.
Even worse is facing the demons in your loved ones’ closets.

It is letting go of the small things.
It is to know an eye for an eye will make the entire world blind.
Being afraid to judge as you are unsure of your response to similar situations, knowing you have overestimated your grit and strength in the past.
It is being uncertain about yourself, others, ideas, and life.
About realizing you may never achieve your dream, not because you are exhausted, but because it no longer aligns with your current long-term goals. But how do you find the courage to start over?

It is about realizing class/caste/ethnicity/nationality matters.
That we are one mistake, one bad luck away from becoming one of “those people”.
It is knowing no matter what fancy new philosophy you learn, it may take you decades to escape your conditioning and maybe forever.

But also, it is learning no matter how hopeless life becomes, you will survive as you have, often in the past.
That grief or shame will not kill you.
That after every fall, you will find the courage to rise.
And after hardship comes ease.
More often than not, the pain is worth the outcome.

You have come a long way, and you’ll do ok. You’ll be alright.
Some days, you will laugh at the absurdity of your life. At others, you will laugh in celebration. But you will continue to strive till the very last breath. And when you encounter despaired souls, you will offer your shoulder instead of words, for life has humbled you. And maybe, just maybe, one day you will sit back and reflect upon your journey, and find content in having tried to live it to the best of your abilities, or in barely surviving at all. Perhaps this is just me or the dip in my serotonin levels. Hopefully, one day, when my cup is brimming, I will better recollect all the blessings. Until then, my sorrows, I will drink to you.